Willakaville Page 6

  Marty said, “No way! Who knows what those can do to you. They could be poisonous!”

  “Whatever,” smirked Todd.

  Marty’s father was furious with Todd. His mother, who always worried about everything, kept crying all night. Todd seemed fine though. He said that he felt great. He had tons of energy and even cleaned all the dishes that night. Marty thought, “Maybe all these mushrooms are not so bad after all. Everyone is probably freaking out over nothing.”

  Unfortunately, Marty was wrong. Just when he thought everything was ok is when things got worse. I mean really worse. The next day, Todd started eating more mushrooms. It was all he wanted. He would not eat anything else. It was as if he was obsessed with them. In fact, he was obsessed with them. He started getting angry when he didn’t have one. He was eating so many that his skin was turning yellow and orange like the mushrooms.

  His father saw what was happening and locked Todd in his room. But, the mushrooms made Todd crazy and gave him superhuman strength. He broke the door down to his room and ran out of the house. His dad tried to catch him, but the mushrooms gave Todd the speed of a cheetah.

  They searched for him all morning. Along the way, they saw other people running around like wild animals and eating mushrooms. They all had that same crazy look in their eyes like Todd. It was as if they were zombies. Orange and yellow zombies. All they cared about were mushrooms. They almost hit a few of them on the way back home.

  Things got even weirder. At night, groups of ten to twenty of the mushroom zombies would gather and make noises. It sounded like some kind of deranged gorillas. You could hear a low “Brooo, Brooo, Brooooooooo!” in the middle of the night.

  Day by day you could see more and more of these yellow orange mushshroom zombies wandering around, eating mushrooms and making strange noises. Marty thought that this might be the end for Willakaville.

  Until one day, his friend Oscar came over. He was very excited about something.

  “Marty, Marty,” he said gasping for breath. “I made a discovery.”

  “What is it?” answered Marty.

  “Remember when Mr. Snarr was teaching us about fungus and how it can grow on your bodies?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, do you also remember when he told us that garlic and oregano are natural anti-fungals?”

  “Yes.”

  “I decided to pour some garlic salt and oregano on some of the mushrooms. And one of those mushroom eaters ate it. About an hour later they were cured. The other mushrooms I put it on died and no new ones grew back.”

  “That is excellent!” exclaimed Marty. “We have to tell everyone!”

  Marty and Oscar told their families and they went out with garlic and oregano and demonstrated the effects to their neighbors. Soon, more and more people heard the news and they passed it on to more and more people. Within a few days, the whole town was practically cured.

  Word eventually made it to the military, who ended up spraying the entire town with garlic salt and oregano. All the mushrooms were finally destroyed. The military removed the fences and buried the ditches. Things finally got back to normal in Willakaville, except that it smelled like a big piece of lasagna.

  Poor Mr. Riggatoli had to change his Italian restaurant into a hair studio. No one in Willakaville was hungry for Italian food for a long time…

  Toilet Paper Caper

  The view was grizzly. Yellow police tape surrounded the crime scene. A large crowd of people gathered in the aisles at Marty Mart, the local grocery store. There, between the paper plates and paper towels were several crime investigators. They were taking photographs and marking evidence. A single roll of toilet paper sat there alone, torn, smashed.

  It was relatively quiet except for the constant whispers among the crowd. Detective Grey arrived on sight wearing a long black trench coat and dark sunglasses. He brought along his sidekick, Bigboy (his real name was Adam Croft, but he wanted a catchy sounding sidekick name).The crowd made a path for them as they approached. Grey quietly studied the area as he paced back and forth. Then he suddenly stopped and stared at a single paper towel roll on the floor.

  He put on some rubber gloves, pulled out a small plastic bag and slightly rolled the paper towels away. Underneath was a single pine needle. The detective picked it up and placed it inside a ziplock bag. Delicately, he handed the bag to Bigboy and said, “Get this over to forensics. I need a full spectral analysis.”

  Bigboy gave him a, “Yes sir.” And left in a hurry.

  Detective Grey made a few more walks around the crime scene and then asked to see the store manager. A tall and awkward man came forward, he said he was the store manager and his name was Kenny Landers. He admitted he was the first person in the building to see what had happened. He was always the first because he had the keys to open the store in the morning.

  Grey asked Kenny to describe his morning.

  “Well,” started Kenny. “I opened the store as I always do. Came in at 6:00 am sharp.”

  “Wait,” interrupted Grey. “Did you notice anything unusual about the building or surroundings when you first arrived?”

  “No,” answered Kenny. “Everything was just as I had left it last night. Everything except all the toilet paper had disappeared. I could see that we had been robbed. I don’t know how they did it with the doors locked. I think…”

  Grey interrupted again and handed Kenny his business card and told him to call if he remembered anything else. Then detective Grey interviewed everyone that worked at the store. Not one of them made a good suspect. They all had an alibi in one form or another. The case was stagnant.

  The next week, another string of robberies occurred. All the toilet paper in the school and the local factory had been stolen. Again, detective Grey had no suspects. The only evidence was the leaf of an oak tree.

  Toilet paper had to be trucked in from the next town over. It got to be very expensive for the people of Willakaville.

  As the weeks passed by, more and more toilet paper robberies happened. The robber had hit all the local businesses. Each time the detective found a different leaf from a different kind of tree. At the gas station it was a maple leaf. At the hardware store it was an elm leaf. And each time the business had been locked, as if someone with a key did it.

  The people of Willakaville had nowhere to buy toilet paper. They resorted to using newspapers. The local newspaper, called the Willkaville Daily, had to print a few hundred extra copies a day to keep up. Detective Grey was now under more and more pressure to solve the case.

  Grey sat down in his office, staring at the different leaves. Bigboy watched him in amazement, wondering what intelligent thoughts were going through his mind.

  Grey was thinking aloud, “There must be something in common. Some kind of link. Obviously they are all tree leaves. What else is going on? Why would someone steal toilet paper? Why would they leave leafs? Maybe they want us to use leaves instead of toilet paper?”

  “Maybe they want to use it to build a giant toilet paper rhinoceros?” chimed Bigboy.

  Grey did not answer. He wasn’t always sure that Bigboy was the best choice for a sidekick.

  Then he grabbed his head with both hands and said aloud, “What is it?” Frustrated, he got up and decided to take a walk. He went to the local park to get some fresh air. He couldn’t get his mind off the case. While walking around, he stopped and stared at the different trees in the park.

  He looked everywhere, searching for something that would give him a clue. Then, he found it! There in plain sight was the answer. He ran back to his office and picked up the phone and called Kenny, the manager of the Marty Mart.

  Kenny answered the phone, “Hello?”

  Grey replied, “Hello. This is Detective Grey. I have a couple more questions for you.”

  “Go ahead detective,” said Kenny.

  “Did you receive any deliveries the day before the robbery?”

  “Yes, but we receive deliveries every day.”
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  “Were there any special, or different deliveries.”

  “Hmm, let me think…Wait. Yes. There was. Since it is springtime, we received some different outdoor plants. People love plants in the spring. We don’t make much money off of them, but it gets more people to the store. I really…”

  The detective cut Kenny off at this point. He didn’t have all day to listen to stories about Marty Mart marketing schemes. He kindly said good-bye to Kenny and made a few more phone calls. Sure enough, all of the businesses that were robbed had plant deliveries the day before. And more specifically, tree deliveries.

  Immediately, he grabbed Bigboy, rushed to the car and sped over to the local nursery. He burst in the front door and demanded to see the owner. Inside were a couple of men in dirty clothes. Both of them were chewing gum. They looked like they were getting ready to leave for the day. On the other side of them sat a short bald man with a beard.

  “I am the owner,” said the bald man with a defensive attitude. “What’s the problem?”

  “The problem,” recounted Grey with force. “is that you have a thief working for you.”

  The owner replied with surprise, “A thief. What do you mean? Where is your proof?”

  “My proof is right here. It’s all around you.”

  The owner turned his head sideways, and squinched his eyes in a puzzled look.

  “It is the trees! The trees are the proof,” Continued Grey. At each robbery site a leaf from a different tree was found. Where better to find several different trees in one place? A nursery of course!”

  The owner was still defensive and said, “How do you know the leaves came from here? They could be from any old tree.”

  Grey answered him confidently, “I know they came from here, because I took some samples last night. Our laboratory matched those samples with the ones from the crime scene. Now I am going to have to take you all downtown for questioning.”

  As soon as he finished his sentence, one of the workers got up and ran for the back door. Bigboy ran after him. Grey just sat there. This was because he had already called for police backup and knew they must have the place surrounded by now. The worker ran right into the arms of an officer who immediately handcuffed the man and brought him back inside.

  The owner and Bigboy were confused. Bigboy said, “But, you were with me all night. You couldn’t have possibly gotten all those samples to the lab and back that fast.”

  The detective paced back and forth for a few seconds and then spoke, “My dear Bigboy. Have I not taught you anything? I was bluffing of course. It did not matter if I had the evidence. It was enough to scare that man into running away.”

  “Ooooooh,” said Bigboy. “so that means it was the other worker that did it.”

  “What?” replied the frustrated detective. “No. You what? No? Just go and get the leaf samples. We will still need them as evidence.”

  “Right.” said Bigboy. “Before his friend outside hides all of it.”

  The detective sighed and just shook his head. He could not bear to look at Bigboy any more so he simply pointed to the door. Bigboy took off like a bloodhound to gather some leaves.

  The manager asked, “Not bad detective. But why did he do it? What was the point?”

  The detective answered in a smug tone of voice, “That part is simple. I was taking a walk through the park and I saw some people planting a tree on behalf of the Tree Conservation Society. This made me think of the one place that would have all the different types of trees, your nursery.

  The idea of tree conservation also gave me the idea for a motive. I realized that the criminal must be someone who loves trees and most likely did not like people wasting paper for personal hygiene. I also knew I was looking for someone who chewed gum. This is because I found a piece next to one of the doors of the stores they had robbed. That is how he got in. When he delivered the trees, he would block the door catch with a piece of gum. That way it would be open for him later that night. After he stole the toilet paper, he simply removed the gum and it appeared as the door had always been locked. The only problem was, both of your employees were registered with the Tree Conservation Society and they both chewed gum. That is why I had to use my trick in order to determine which one it was.”

  Then the thief spoke up, “I just wanted to save the trees. It is not right. Trees have feelings too! We are destroying our forests!”

  “Actually,” replied detective Grey, “The trees that are used to make the toilet paper sold in Willakaville is from a sustainable forest. That law was put into effect last year. That means for every tree they cut down, they plant a new one. They only use trees that are full grown, so the forest keeps re-growing itself. In addition to that, at least 50% of the product come from recycled paper.”

  The thief put his head down in same and mumbled, “Oh. Didn’t know that. My bad.”

  To wrap up the story: The police took the perpetrator away and he went to jail. They found all the toilet paper hidden behind the toilet plunger factory (ironic). And Bigboy got lost in the woods for a few days. They eventually found him talking to some leaves.

  Native Dreams

  Kyle woke up with one of the worst headaches in his life. He slowly opened his eyes glanced around his room. Nothing was familiar. His posters of the Lego action figures and Star Wars were not on the wall. Instead, they were replaced by some strange painting of some old man from hundreds of years ago. Even his bed was strange. It was really uncomfortable and freezing cold.

  Nothing was the same. Everything was completely different. The walls were made out of wood and the floor was too. He thought he was having some kind of weird dream, so decided to go back to bed. He slept for about maybe twenty more minutes. When he woke up again, he was in the same place. He pinched himself to make sure it was real. It was. He slowly got out of bed and when he looked down what was he wearing, it was some old-fashioned long underwear. It was all white with little black buttons and very loose. He normally slept in his Darth Vader pajamas.

  Today everything was different. He thought somebody must be playing a joke on him. He went to his closet and all his clothes been replaced with those that were colonial style. It was weird and he decided he did not want to go downstairs in his underwear. So, he put some of the strange clothes anyway.

  Even the whole house was changed. Kyle thought somebody must have moved them in the middle of the night. He started walking down the wooden stairs that normally would have carpet. He could hear some people talking. The first person he saw was an older man with a full suit, jacket, funny hat and crazy beard that only covered the bottom of his chin. The man turned and spoke to Kyle, "Good morning to you Johnathan. I hope you have rested well.”

  Kyle looked around and realized the man was speaking to him and replied defiantly, "My name is Kyle, not Jonathan. Where am I?"

  Everyone in the room burst out laughing. The man halfway smiled with a puzzled look and proceeded to say, "Of course you are Jonathan. I named you myself after my great-grandfather sir Jonathan Bartholomew Smith."

  Kyle started to get angry and shouted, “This is not funny anymore. I don’t know what kind of joke you are playing. I do not like it!” Kyle looked around the room and everyone was silent. It felt like he was in a room with full of deer. They were looking at him with fear and worry.

  The older man came and put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “Johnathan,” he said softly. Kyle took three steps back, looked around, and then ran towards the door.

  He burst out of the house like a rocket, speeding down the street at light speed. Everything seemed to be a blur to him. Thoughts were flashing one after the other in his mind, like an old movie projector. He thought, “Did my parent’s send me here? Am I losing my mind? Did I get stuck in a time warp?”

  After running for several minutes, he stopped to catch his breath. Looking around, he realized he was in an old colonial village. On his left was a small church. On his right were several small shops. Everyone was dressed as if they
were back in the 1700s. There were horse drawn carriages made of wood and iron. As he looked around, he noticed everyone stopped and staring at him. In front of him were some type of militia men dressed in uniforms and carrying rifles with bayonets. They were jogging toward him yelling, “Halt! Halt!”

  Kyle, turned to his left and ran past the church and down a small hill toward the forest. More militiamen appeared on all sides and were closing in on him. Just as he was tackled by two of the men, Kyle saw a young native American boy hiding behind one of the trees, watching. Kyle was finally lifted up after receiving the cold iron shackles around his wrists and ankles. He looked back to see the boy. However, the boy had disappeared as if he were a ghost.

  As Kyle was marched to the courthouse, a passerby recognized him. They instructed the militia men to take him back to the Smith household. When they arrived, his supposed mother answered the door. She quickly hugged Kyle as tears dripped down her round cheeks. “Oh Johnathan,” she whimpered. “I am so happy you have returned.”

  Kyle pulled himself away and turned his head. He did not feel comfortable. One of the guards grabbed his head and turned his face upward. The guard said with a harsh voice, “You will honor thy mother and father! I do not think you will enjoy the stockades! Understand? And do not try to enter the forest. It is very dangerous, and deadly. You are only protected inside the village boundaries.”

  Kyle wanted to spit in his face, but he resisted. He realized it would be him versus the whole crazy town. Besides, if he acted like they wanted him to, he would have a better chance to escape. “I’m sorry mother,” he said. “I don’t know what has gotten into me.” He gave her a hug, which she returned. Kyle was smothered by her so much, he thought he might suffocate. Finally, she let go and he could breath again. Kyle promised the guards he would be good and thanked them for saving him from the forest.

  He then spent the rest of the night playing the part of the son, Johnathan. Although, he did not know much about Johnathan, he faked it the best he could. He blamed his strange behavior on a false head injury and reassured his newly adopted family that he would get better with time.